Squadron 1337 Episode #17: Trench Warfare

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(Scene begins in another corner of the box canyon. Snap cut to the view of a sniper aiming at a heavily-guarded based in the middle of a tight trench. The sniper follows a trio of soldiers walking along the front of the base, moving up to the second level, where a perched sniper is keeping watch. Finally, the sniper camera reveals a pelican dropship on a helicopter landing bay)

(Cut to reveal Duncan lowering sniper, as Orion, Digit and Innes are revealed to all be watching this unknown base from behind a cluster of trees)

Duncan: There’s our ride.

Innes: They have a dropship?

Duncan: Yep. But we need to get past the guards first.

Digit: I don’t get it. Why didn’t we just take the vehicles at our base? We probably could’ve avoided all this walking. My feet hurt!

(Innes, Orion and Duncan look at each other)

Duncan (to Orion): The kid’s got a point.

Orion: Okay, so poor judgment aside. We’ve stumbled across a gold mine. A pelican dropship is like a fine Rolls Royce, or a hot Lambo.

Digit: Or a steaming cup of apple cider.

Orion: Uh..yeah, sure.

Innes: So, what’s the plan?

Duncan: Okay. I call a team meeting. Digit, go stand over there. (Looks at a distant rock) Stand there and don’t say a word.

Digit: Got it! (Digit walks to his spot, and stands staring at the rock)

(A beat)

Orion: How many soldiers are up there?

Duncan: I counted four…but there may be more inside.

Innes: Do you guys have any armor enhancements?

Orion: Unfortauntely no. Why, do you?

Innes: No…just the sword.

(Innes draws the sword, and it begins pulsating, sending vibrations up his arm that begin to course through his entire body)

Innes: O-o-o-o-o-h m-m-m-m-y-y-y-y g-g-g-o-o-o-d-d-d.

Orion: Are you okay?

(Innes re-sheaths the sword, and the vibrations cease)

Innes: I don’t know…but I feel like we’re getting close to another alien artifact.

Duncan: I bet it’s somewhere in the base.

Innes: I mean think about it…why else would they place a heavily-guarded base in the middle of a deep trench?

Duncan: The internet connection must suck down here.

Innes: I think they were placed here to guard something…it must be an alien artifact.

Orion: Hold on…if your sword started to pulse…what if whatever’s hidden down there in the base is giving off that same frequency?

Duncan: Like magnetism?

Innes: I’m sure it’s possible. But that may present a new problem for us.

Orion: Why’s that?

Innes: If they are guarding an alien artifact and it begins vibrating, they may reach the same conclusion as us and seek out the source.

Duncan: So they’ll be watching out for us?

Innes: Perhaps. We’re taking a huge risk by going out there. My sword may be in its sheath, but that doesn’t mean that whatever they’re carrying won’t still be vibrating. We don’t even know what we’re looking for. It could be a sword, or it could be something else entirely.

Orion: Only way to find out is to storm the base.

(Digit runs out from behind the rock, and begins chanting the opening lines from The Lion King’s Circle of Life, while holding a rock over his head)

(Duncan zooms in to the base with his sniper, noticing that the soldier’s have taken a defensive formation. Three soldiers are approaching in a warthog ATV, turret’s locked)

Duncan: SHIT! Digit, shut the fuck up!

Digit: Guys look! This rock looks like Simba from the Lion King.

(The group stops to admire the oddly-shaped rock)

Innes: That’s…wow.

Orion: I think I see it.

Duncan: Nature’s fascinating.

(Machine gun bullets strike the rock in Digit’s hands, as Digit retreats behind the rock)

Digit: SIMBA! NOOOOO!

(Innes pulls out his sword, his body experiences pulsations same as before)

Duncan: Innes, what are you doing?

Innes: I-I-I-I-I d-d-d-d-o-o-o-o-n-n-n-‘-‘-t k-k-k-n-n-n-o-o-o-w-w-w.

(Innes pushs through the vibrations. He runs out in front of warthog, as the gunner opens fire on him. Innes launches himself forward, jumping in the air over the oncoming vehicle, hacking at the driver, passenger and gunner in one fell swoop. Innes finally lands on top of the vehicle, as the three enemy soldiers fall from their seats)

Orion: That was…

Digit: Holy boner alert, Batman!

Duncan: Okay, everyone get in the vehicle. We only have one shot at this!

(Duncan hops in the driver seat, Orion takes up the gunner position, while Innes and Digit squeeze into the passenger seat)

Innes: This isn’t comfortable.

Digit: Speak for yourself.

Orion: Floor it!

(Duncan steps down on the accelerator as the ATV lurches forward toward the enemy base. The sniper in the window opens fire, as Orion counters by firing the vehicle’s machine gun turret toward the base. Empty bullet canisters spray along the gravel road behind them)

(Digit leans out of the vehicle, and points his pistol at the base’s sniper lookout, and nails a perfect headshot on the sniper)

Duncan: Whoa! How’d you learn to shoot like that? The pistol doesn’t even have a scope.

Digit: Quick scope, mother fucker!

Innes: The pistol doesn’t have a scope.

Digit: I’m an AWP-er.

(An alarm is triggered from inside the base, as red flashing lights bounce off the trench walls, casting a neon blood-red glow across the canyon.)

Duncan: Let’s get inside.

(The four soldiers jump off the ATV, and begin running inside the base. The camera tracks across the field following the soldiers as they enter the front gate)

END OF EPISODE 17

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