Squadron 1337 Episode #13: Just Wing It


(Scene begins in Squadron 1337 underground bunker. Lincoln, Dex and Johnson are running toward the teleporter, avoiding falling rocks and other sudden seismic activity, when suddenly, a large rock lands on the one teleporter they need to return to the surface, trapping them in the bunker)

Johnson: Son of a bitch!

Dex: What do we do!? We’re trapped!

Lincoln: Let me think…there’s got to be another exit.

Johnson: The teleporter is the only way to the surface, Lincoln. Whatever is going on upstairs is going to cause the roof to collapse in on us.

(Lincoln begins to follow the wall back toward the first staircase)

Dex: What’s he doing?

Johnson: Not listening, Dex. What does it look like?

Lincoln: Hold on a second.

(Lincoln approaches the far wall, where he sees a crack of light. Another explosion from the upper level causes the crack in the wall to widen, revealing the blue sky and even bluer sea below.)

Lincoln: This crack here, in the wall, that’s how we’re going to escape.

Johnson: I don’t know about you, Lincoln, but I can’t exactly climb out of here with TWO WORKING ARMS!

Lincoln: We’re not going to climb. We’re going to blast our way out.

Dex: Ooh! Ooh! Using the tank!?

Lincoln: Even better, my friend. Follow me, guys.

(Dex happily follows Lincoln back into the crumbling base, as Johnson sighs)

Johnson: We’re doomed.



(Scene cuts to ground level. McCloud’s airship enters the atmosphere of Squadron 1337)

McCloud: This is Captain Ralph McCloud to anyone on the ground at Squadron 13-37. I’m landing at Blue base, clear a path in the skies for me.

(Radio transmission appears cracked, with no response on the other end)

McCloud: Rose? Leeroy? Can anyone report?

(Transmission cuts out)

McCloud: Okay, well I guess I’m coming in hot!

(McCloud tilts the controls down, as he begins a steep dive toward the canyon. He zooms by the patrolling banshee fighters, which turn their attention toward shooting McCloud out of the sky)

(McCloud’s maneuvers the ship as he descends to avoid gunfire. The Falcon makes a hard landing on the corner of Blue base, and with quick speed, McCloud departs the airship. He ducks into the tunnel for cover, missing an incoming banshee bomb, which collides with the Falcon airship, causing an explosion. The dropship tumbles off the cliff in a fiery blast)

McCloud: (out of breath, under cover in tunnel) Grady…what have you done?

(McCloud runs out of the tunnel into the middle of the base)

McCloud: Squadron 13-37! Can anyone please report?

(Rose, Higgins and Johnny pop out from behind the cover of Blue base)

Higgins: Is that McCloud!? Oh, thank God! We could use your help!

McCloud: I can see that. Where’s Leeroy?

Johnny: He’s back at Red base. He’s in a bit of a pickle.

McCloud: Define pickle?



(Scene cuts abruptly to the back of Red base: McCloud, Johnny and Higgins are standing across from Leeroy, whom is still pinned against the back of Red base)

McCloud: So let me get this straight; you two idiots decided to leave Leeroy, who is technically your commanding officer in my absence, stuck in a concrete wall while you went to go hide at the Blue base with Rose?

Higgins: It wasn’t like that, sir.

Johnny: We made the call to leave Leeroy because he’s in good hands.

McCloud: GOOD HANDS!? Do you see what’s going on out here? We’re being swarmed by G-I-mean the Elites. This is no time for games!

Leeroy: (plastered in wall) That’s what I said, sir.

McCloud: Shut up for a second, Leeroy.

(McCloud turns his back away from Leeroy to address Higgins and Johnny directly)

McCloud: I’m disappointed in the two of you. You both showed great promise during the last assault. What’s crawled up your butts?

Higgins: I don’t know, sir. I guess I just haven’t been feeling it lately. You know, the war and stuff.

Johnny: (to Higgins) How long ago did this start, Higgins? How long have you been unable to f-

McCloud: Enough! Do you think this is some kind of joke!?

Leeroy: (still in the wall) McCloud, I’m really hurt, and kind of done being in this wall.

McCloud: I said HOLD ON, LEEROY! (back to Higgins and Johnny) I don’t know if you two have been paying attention, but we’re in the midst of a god-damn war. And because of your stupidity, you’re putting lives at risk. Look what happened to Innes. Need I remind you how that has affected our overall numbers? I want to ensure that you all go home safely. You may leave with some PTSD, and you may lose a few fingers and toes, but I want to make sure that nobody else dies on my watch. Do you UNDERSTAND ME!?

Higgins: Yes sir.

Johnny: Understand, sir.

Leeroy: Got it, sir.

(McCloud turns back to Leeroy)

McCloud: Good. I’m glad we’re all on the same page. Now let’s get Leeroy down, please?

(Higgins and Johnny turn to each other, and back to McCloud, as they approach the wall, and begin to slowly pry Leeroy off the wall)



(Scene cuts to the Squadron 1337 bunker. Lincoln approaches the main console, which begins to glow blue)

Lincoln: Activate C.O.R.A.

CORA: Combat Operation Registered Aircraft, now activated. Welcome, Lincoln.

(In the vehicle hangar below the computer console, the ground begins to open up, revealing a stashed away pelican dropship. Johnson and Dex watch in awe as the airship rises up, pushing aside all other vehicles in the hangar to make room for this gargantuan aircraft)

Johnson: Ho-lee-SHIT.

Dex: Ho-Chi-Min.

Lincoln: You like? I found this baby stashed away in the computer’s logs. Apparently McCloud had been saving one of these babies for much larger-scale operations. And we’ve only ever been flying those shitty Falcon dropships.

Johnson: Oh no, there’s no going back now. I call dibs.

Lincoln: What!? I found the god damn ship, I call dibs.

Dex: Ask the ship.

Lincoln: Come again?

Dex: The ship spoke to you, didn’t it? It knows your name. Perhaps it has all of our records, as well. Maybe it can determine who would make the best pilot.

Johnson: I like that idea, let’s go with that idea.

Lincoln: Okay…I guess it wouldn’t hurt to ask. (turns to console) CORA, of the three of us, who would be the best to pilot the pelican?

CORA: By my records, Lincoln, you are currently suspended from duty, and unable to pilot any combat vehicles.

Lincoln: Shit!

Dex: What about me?

CORA: The system calculates Daryn. B. Johnson, the mechanic of Red squad, would be the most capable and qualified pilot on deck.

Johnson: Ha! Eat that, Lincoln.

Dex: But CORA, what about me?

CORA: Dex, my records indicate that you do not possess a valid driver’s or pilot’s license. In fact, you don’t even have a license to hold and operate a gun.

Dex: But the multiple choice quiz said I could join the army.

CORA: Data unknown.

Lincoln: Hold on a moment! CORA, Johnson’s only got one working arm. Please override, he’s unable to pilot an aircraft while injured.

CORA: Oh, my mistake, Lincoln. His injury had not been archived. I am adding this anomaly into the system.

Johnson: Fuck!

Lincoln: And while you’re at it…can you like, re-instate me into active duty?

CORA: I am unable to compete that request. The only person who has the authority to change that is Captain McCloud.

Dex: (putting on a gruff voice) But, I am McCloud.

(The room falls silent)

Dex: Um…CORA? Can you please allow Lincoln to…like not be suspended. That would be great.

(The room falls silent, as Johnson and Lincoln look to each other, and back to the computer console)

CORA: Thank you, Captain. Officer Lincoln’s suspension has now been lifted.

Johnson: How did you…? That wasn’t even a good enough impression.

Dex: Meh, I just winged it.

Lincoln: CORA, can you transfer your AI into the pelican, please?

CORA: Affirmative.

(The computer console turns grey, powers down, as the pelican below powers up, and turns blue)

CORA: (in pelican) Transfer completed. The pelican is now fully operational.

Johnson: Well, time to roll out, boys!


End of Episode 13


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